Unfortunately, the jackasses that need to hear this, are probably not reading this blog. But just in case they are, I’m about to lay down a royal decree about how driving and the middle finger and/or honking work:
-If you are driving like a jackass, other drivers on the road might honk and/or flip you the bird, to indicate their displeasure with your driving, and their wish that you stop driving like a jackass. You then pretty much have two options for responding:
1. (And this is my personal preference.) Acknowledge that you were driving like a jackass, suck it up, and take the honk/bird. Depending on *why* you were driving like a jackass in the first place (for instance, inattention vs. bad driving conditions), you might also desist driving like a jackass.
2. Honk and/or flip them the bird back. This tends to make you look like an ass, but that may not be enough to dissuade you from this option. If you do go with this option, there’s really no need to start driving properly – I mean, why bother with the aggressive pissing-contest gesture if you’re just going to roll over and start driving properly? If you go with this option, commit to it, don’t half-ass it, is what I’m saying.
I prefer the first response option, but I get that some people like the second, and that’s cool, that’s their thing. It’s understandable. Moving on.
-*You* are driving respectably, following all the laws and also the niceties, and being patient and polite, what-have-you. However, a driver in front of you, behind you, next to you, near you on the road, is driving like a jackass. You also have two response options here:
1. Do nothing. Be patient. If you get a chance to get away from them or around them, take it; otherwise, sit tight. (And this is my personal preference when *I’m* the driver, mainly because I’m a pussy and don’t want to risk raising someone’s road rage. However, if Greg’s driving and too busy reacting to save us from a wreck because of their jackassery, I will go with the second option for him, if he can’t himself.)
2. Flip that fucker off, or honk at them. They’re a jackass, right? Do they think they’re the only driver in the whole land? Jeez.
And again, regardless of my personal preference, my vicarious bird-flipping for Greg, whatever, I understand the mindset/emotions/some sort of logic behind both these responses.
Under no account, will you ever be able to pull the shit that someone pulled on us today, and have me 1-even begin to approach understanding the way your fucked-up, entitled-ass mind works, or 2-think you’re anything other than a fucked-up, entitled-ass, road-raging shithead. To whit:
-When *you* are driving like a jackass, and the other cars on the road (in our case, behind you) are driving respectably and politely and generally trying to avoid you, AND they have NEITHER honked at you NOR flipped you off, you DO NOT get to flip THEM off. Seriously. What the actual fuck. I’m sorry, what offended you? Our non-jackass driving, that is endorsed by not only the law but also polite society? Or maybe you managed to see through your back windshield, through our front windshield, and into our car, and were offended by me, joyously singing along to Andrew W.K., but not gesturing in any way that could be interpreted as a rude gesture? (Unless smiling while bopping your head is some horribly obscene offense somewhere and I just don’t know it.) Or maybe it was that you were driving like a jackass and so desperately wanting to be flipped off, and we denied you that pleasure, so you flipped us off instead? What.
Jesus christ. Some people.
In happier news, my Zoya exchange polishes arrived today. 🙂 Pretty pretties! But I need to run errands and get packing, so I’ll have to share them later.